Not Today (acoustic)

An updated acoustic version of a single we released years ago. Lyrics by me, music by Anto.

AntoMusic.com

Wait, not today
Don’t bother with your smiles,
Don’t pretend you’re still my friend
because now I know the truth –
I see the things you do
and hear the lies you spew

For so long I let you in and
Bought the stories that you told,
Stood by and let you steal, let you cut me to the bone
It will never change, you will keep making excuses
But now I just don’t care, watch me walk away

(Chorus)
Fuck you! You will never break me
Come on take your best shot
But you won’t take me down
Hell no! I won’t take it, anymore
I’m stronger now and you
You will never hurt me again

The face that you show is just a role you play
Fake sincerity – you mask the cold and cut with your charm
You make others bleed for what you need

For so long I let you in and
Bought the stories that you told,
Stood by and let you steal, let you cut me to the bone
It will never change, you’ll keep making excuses
But now I just don’t care, watch me walk away

(Chorus)
Fuck you! You will never break me
Come on take your best shot
But you won’t take me down
Hell no! I won’t take it, anymore
Cause I am stronger now
and you will never hurt me again

You’ve done the worst you can do
Your reign is done – so fuck you!

 

 

Aftermath

No matter the distance, the miles of

fights and broken screams

There’s always a moment when we figure out

what it all means.

Laying here inside your love

hearing your heart beat free,

the melody inside your soul

brings me back to “I Believe.”

Update and “Everything”

Life has been busier and more difficult than usual lately – if that’s even possible. I try not to complain though because I’ve learned the hard way that life can always get worse. Hardships disguise themselves as trials but I think positivity is the real challenge. Every once in awhile though, pure joy shines and a sense of calm bliss finds its home in the centre of my being. Most often, those moments resemble this one:

 

Whatever else is going on, I have the best friend and partner that even my imagination couldn’t conjur before I met him. There are many things about our relationship that people don’t understand – and I couldn’t care less. We work together, we love each other, we cry and laugh and worry together…and sometimes he just plays me music while I find my bliss again…

I’m working on that positivity…and “if the while I think on thee dear friend, all losses are restored and sorrows end.” (William Shakespeare, Sonnet 30)

 

Masks


You wear integrity like a suit of armour,
Its steely strength protects and defines who you are;
To question your word is to question your honour –
So this chink, this thing you deny is so bizarre.

I know it’s not your lie, it’s not even your choice,
But you keep it and hide it and help him disguise.
You who in anything else would raise up your voice,
Keep silent, pretending it’s okay he denies.

Does loyalty diminish your sense of outrage?
Where you’d normally plead truth, does love censor you?
Or are you silently glad of his masquerade?
For while there’s illusion, your mask is hidden too.

 

#3937543

Warning: Adult Content

 

Today was the day. His heart raced and he felt slightly nauseous as he unlocked the hair salon. Every morning when Kohl unlocked the door, he looked at his own name painted on the glass and felt a sense of pride. It’s the only thing he’d ever been proud of and this morning it was no different. Maybe this morning there was even more appreciation for that rolling script; it might be all he had left. Continue reading

Just Another Night

The soft sounds of a breath, a tender chuckle, an ‘I love you’ in the night…

these gentle reverberations, so close and so intimate,

have the power to seige fortresses and win wars…

The depth of how our eyes hold steady and peer deep into each other’s souls…

In a single flash there is a crushing vulnerability that

by the sheer fact of its existance, creates unyielding strength. Everything exposed. Everything confessed. Everything safe in unquestionable trust

It’s just another night spent with you.

An Eden Sinking

A tapestry beautiful and alive..
woven out of ribbon so rich and dense,
that it shimmers with nature’s first green,
Intricate layers of secrets and trust,
mysteries and magic that no one else can understand.
 
Judged from a distance,
the story is hidden within the picture –
a garden of hues – delicate threads of golden strength,
each stitch of every leaf is the battle, the love, the reason…
the belief in me and you…
 
But as the sun goes down, its dying glow
illuminating the warp and weft of what we’ve created,
the frayed edges of a hole are betrayed –
revealing an emptiness where the beauty falters,
not able to stay in the ugliness of words not spoken.