You wear integrity like a suit of armour,
Its steely strength protects and defines who you are;
To question your word is to question your honour –
So this chink, this thing you deny is so bizarre.

I know it’s not your lie, it’s not even your choice,
But you keep it and hide it and help him disguise.
You who in anything else would raise up your voice,
Keep silent, pretending it’s okay he denies.

Does loyalty diminish your sense of outrage?
Where you’d normally plead truth, does love censor you?
Or are you silently glad of his masquerade?
For while there’s illusion, your mask is hidden too.


Take From Me…

Take from me what you need,
Lean on me when you’re weak,
Expect me to love you,
Assume my shoulder is always yours…
But don’t ever be fooled –
Don’t think that I can’t see…
You use me and give back…what?
It’s getting easier for me not to care.


The first lie was the hardest,
but the masquerade gets easier.
Hiding in front of them all,
we pretend there’s nothing between us.

Every time you touch my soul
I want to shout and claim you as mine,
But this secret I will keep…
and we’ll cherish every hidden kiss.

To Jamie

You are not forgotten.

You walk with us every day.

The pain never fades.
The anger never fades.
The absolute horror never fades.

Losing you destroyed us.

It’s been so long that I can’t remember what it was like…

We used to measure your absence by days, then months, then years…
Now we measure it by what you’ve missed.
You didn’t know Mickey.
You don’t know Cooper.
You don’t know Anto.
You don’t know this house or where we’ve gone…

You don’t know Brandon.

Would you recognize us now?

Someday I will write something eloquent to honour you but at the moment, I’m not worthy. I need to learn more. And I need to grieve less.

You are not forgotten.


Warning: Adult Content


Today was the day. His heart raced and he felt slightly nauseous as he unlocked the hair salon. Every morning when Kohl unlocked the door, he looked at his own name painted on the glass and felt a sense of pride. It’s the only thing he’d ever been proud of and this morning it was no different. Maybe this morning there was even more appreciation for that rolling script; it might be all he had left. Continue reading


There it is….

It doesn’t last long but damn it’s worth it. Like a slow wave, warm bliss washes up from my belly, flooding out all the stress, all the pain, drowning every fucking care. Calm and energizing at once, it’s perfect balance. Synapses fire and the fog lifts. Words turn lyrical as emotions slide into inspiration. Music pulses, ideas dance and words flow.

All is love.

All is creativity.

All is attainable.

The highest high is brief – the crest of it is so fleeting that nothing else matters as I ride the bliss. I know it won’t last – but the brief romance drives me to take more. Not every hit cimaxes so beautifully but it’s the possibility – the chance that for a few exhaulted moments, I will feel only joy.

The Real Beauty is Reality

Publicity perfection,

posed for the rest of the world.

Measured light, cropped and spun – 

every shot is meant to stun. 

Symbols of us used as props – 

a promise around your neck, 

our book in leather, held tight – 

no other signs could burn so bright.

But the best pictures of you 

are out of focus, over-exposed – 

memories meant just for me… 

the part of you the world doesn’t see.

Just Another Night

The soft sounds of a breath, a tender chuckle, an ‘I love you’ in the night…

these gentle reverberations, so close and so intimate,

have the power to seige fortresses and win wars…

The depth of how our eyes hold steady and peer deep into each other’s souls…

In a single flash there is a crushing vulnerability that

by the sheer fact of its existance, creates unyielding strength. Everything exposed. Everything confessed. Everything safe in unquestionable trust

It’s just another night spent with you.

“Never On Your Own” by Anto

Lyrics by Christine Noels
The shadows in your voice, they whisper my name
And through your laugh, you let me hear your pain
You let go of your doubt to reach out for me
And you know I, I won’t let you disappear
You fight against the world and who you should be
Trying to stay yourself and who they want to see
And screaming down you get lost in your fears
But you know I, I won’t let you disappear
You don’t need to keep fighting
You’re not here alone
I’ve got your hand, I’ve got your back
You’re never on your own
They play their games and gamble with your dreams
They hold you down and listen to you scream
Their promises keep changing into tears
But you know I, I won’t let you disappear

You don’t need to keep fighting
You’re not here alone
I’ve got your hand, I’ve got your back
You’re never on your own
The shadows in your voice, they whisper my name
And I’ll be here, I’ll never walk away

by Anto

To the Wordsmiths – and the other people who write

Being a wordsmith is born of passion – the need to put pen to paper is as innate and as necessary as breathing. Motivations obviously differ between writers but the drive to create and express is a point of solidarity.

The artistry of writing is as unique and varied as the authors. Ability aside, there are fundamental differences in the way they approach their work.

Some writers sweat blood over the structure of the story. Plotlines, story arcs and character development are orchestrated with precision tuning. Evolving and refining the craft is part of the thrill.

Some writers get lost in the struggle between the rigidity of grammar and form, and having a singular voice that resounds with creativity. There is a constant battle between the ‘proper’ way and the path that leads somewhere new. Continue reading

In trust, In love

Vulnerable in trust,
we fight to keep us sacred.
How could blythe words express who we are, what we share…
Profound, deep…pure. Our love,
it’s beyond the power of words.
Vulnerable in love,
we fight to keep each other strong.

My Partner in Rhyme

I’ve never been a team player.

Oh, I work well with others – I share my toys and encourage everyone, and I’m really good at being in charge – but I’d much rather work alone. Too independent, too impatient and frankly, too resistant to authority, I hate being part of the crowd. Even as a child I’d do anything to avoid the dreaded group projects at school. “Pick a partner” was the battle-cry of sadists posing as teachers.

So imagine my surprise to find out that there’s one person in this world with whom I can write. Write! Personal and deeply introspective, the process of writing has no rules or universal truths. It’s as individual as each writer – even from project to project the process can change dramatically. So then how is it possible that I can not only write with someone else but revel in the joy of it…

I write with my best friend.

We don’t always write together; I have my novels and whatever else sparks my imagination, while he has his songs and stories, his poetry… But there are times when we come together to work on something and it surpasses anything else I’ve ever done as a writer. Suddenly, there’s joy in finding the right combination of words. There’s excitement when we realize at the same moment that a sentence is perfect. There’s a bond in creating something together. We know each other so deeply, know how the other one thinks, how the other one sees the world… I think we create something together that neither one of us could create on our own.  

I’m still not a team player. I couldn’t duplicate this experience with anyone else – nor do I want to try. There’s a trust and love that doesn’t exist anywhere but inside of us and it’s that bond that allows us to go beyond building worlds. It’s about creating something intimate. It’s about what exists between us… Maybe that’s the magic…

“I Believe” by Anto

Lyrics by Christine Noels


We get lost in distance,
We stumble, broken by our pain.
There’s so much, between us –
too much to lose, too much to gain,
So we let go and hold on tight –
brave and daring through the night…
As we grow both weak and strong,
we find a place where we belong.
We are too far,
Never too close
I believe in me and you…
In each word, we find worlds,
building stories with our dreams.
On each page, in each song
There are memories of who we have been.
Let me save you from your fears –
I promise I’ll always be here.
Trust me I’ll never walk away –
Beside You is where I’ll always stay
We are too far,
Never too close
I believe in me and you
No matter how, all we need 
is to believe in me and you
You’re everywhere in my mind
You’re everywhere in my soul
You’re everywhere inside me
You’re everywhere I want to be
We are too far,
Never too close
I believe in me and you
No matter how, all we need
is to believe in me and you…

An Eden Sinking

A tapestry beautiful and alive..
woven out of ribbon so rich and dense,
that it shimmers with nature’s first green,
Intricate layers of secrets and trust,
mysteries and magic that no one else can understand.
Judged from a distance,
the story is hidden within the picture –
a garden of hues – delicate threads of golden strength,
each stitch of every leaf is the battle, the love, the reason…
the belief in me and you…
But as the sun goes down, its dying glow
illuminating the warp and weft of what we’ve created,
the frayed edges of a hole are betrayed –
revealing an emptiness where the beauty falters,
not able to stay in the ugliness of words not spoken.