Warning: Explicit Adult Content
As the jolt of cocaine hit his bloodstream, Nick lay back against the piece of driftwood and let the anxiety and hatred wash out of him. A lulling euphoria replaced the anger, allowing him to breathe.
He didn’t even mind that he was there with them. Among them. The school uniforms they wore were like badges to him. Signs that they belonged to the army of hell he’d been enrolled in. Like swastikas, the school crests equalled the same horror in his eyes. He endured the pain, the torture, the sting of not belonging – and he hated them for it. But watching them now, through a veil of white powder, they didn’t seem too frightening. Drunken and drugged, they were dancing and fucking their way into a long weekend. Music blared in the small clearing a mile from the school. He couldn’t stand them but this is where he knew he could score some coke. And he loved cocaine.
The music rose in the night air and Nick glanced over at the girl. Megan Darrows. Blond, popular, and she had a smile that seemed nicer than the rest of them. He could see the pink polish on her fingertips as she cranked the volume on the ghetto blaster and he felt his dick stiffen slightly. She was everything girls should be. Soft and pink and mysterious. Nirvana blared out of the speakers and she started to dance. She bounced up and down and he loved how free she was. She had no inhibitions, no fear.
Flashes of skin almost distracted him from realizing that she was looking at him. Staring at him and crooking one of her pretty painted fingers, asking him to join her. He was beside her before he thought about it. Blaming it on the coke, he danced. He jumped up and down, swung his head, and danced. Out of breath and borrowing the girl’s freedom, he let himself go for the first time in his life. There was no sadness. No anger. No fury. Just laughter as the girl giggled.
Later, when her mouth touched his, he didn’t know how to respond. His hand reached for more coke and after snorting more, he turned back to face her. She was beautiful. Seeing her this close as they lay side by side on the wet grass, he examined everything. He’d never been this close to a girl before. The thick black eyelashes, the lipstick and powder – he didn’t understand it but had vivid recollections of how his mother looked when she put on her ‘face’. It was something feminine and good. And it made him hard.
A second wave of euphoria hit him and he grabbed at her. The girl’s pink mouth showed him what to do. She was everywhere. Her hands coached him, leading him into a world he’d only heard about in other boys’ whisperings. When she pulled him into her, Nick’s mind rolled back in his head. Hot and wet, she was everything he’d imagined when he jerked off in the middle of the night. And she wanted him. Pulling at him, begging him for more, opening herself up to him, she reached out and invited him into her. The feeling of being needed was headier than the buzz from the coke.
She was his world for days. He thought about her every moment. He was so wrapped up in the memory of what they’d done, that he forgot to get high. And when the day came for the boys school to meet up with the girl’s school in the hidden clearing again, he was numb with what he concluded was anticipation. He’d never looked forward to anything before. But now there was Megan. And she wanted him.
The clearing was the same but somehow felt more alive this time. Looking around, he hunted for the soft, pink, blond girl whose taste he still held on to. When the first hint of a Nirvana tune echoed over the teenage clamour, his head turned towards the ghetto blaster. There she was. He could hear the glee in her voice as she told someone how much she loved this song and his heart opened wide. Heading towards her, every footstep felt like it would lift him into the air.
Until he saw her kiss someone else. Just a few feet from her, he was close enough to smell her when she reached up and kissed another guy. She hadn’t even seen him. Hadn’t been looking for him. Hadn’t likely remembered him. Backing away, Nick’s eyes fell on the school crest on the guy’s jacket. Fury blinded him and he ran back towards the school that he hated. Branches hit him in the face as he barrelled through the woods, back to the only place he could go. When he reached the cold darkness of his dorm room, he crawled into bed without taking off his clothes or wiping the dirt or tears from his face.
He should’ve known she didn’t need him. Didn’t love him. He had no one and he felt stupid for believing that would change. Sobbing for almost an hour, he lay in the same spot, without moving for the rest of the night. And when daylight filled the room and warning bell sounded, he got up and had a shower. He put on his uniform, straightened his tie in the mirror and wiped the coke from the edge of his nose.