The Hero.

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What is there to see?
There’s nothing left of me
I’m nothing but invisible
I’m no one but I’ll be

I’ll be the hero
My fate will find a way
There’s hope for tomorrow
I’ll be the hero and
Save you
I will save you, save you

Reflections don’t show
the me that I know
they’re just
shades of promises
see-through colours
pictures of who I’m meant to be

I’ll be the hero
my fate will find a way
there’s hope for tomorrow
Cause I’ll be the hero and
Save you
I will save you, save you
Save you
I will save you, save you

I’ll figure out this destiny
I can hear it calling to me
I will fade to gain
and find my place
My fate will find a way

I’ll be your hero
my fate will find a way
There’s hope for tomorrow
Cause I’ll be the hero and
Save you
I will save you, save you
Save you
I will save you, I will save you

 

lyrics by me, music and beautiful vocals by Anto

What Does Midnight Know – new video

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We have a new song. 🙂

AntoMusic.com

“What Does Midnight Know”
Close your eyes if you don’t want to see what’s waiting for you in the night
what’s hiding from the light
No don’t look down if you don’t want a peek into the nightmares
that you write when you are bored by life
Do you want to see what’s hiding in the shadows
Do you, do you ever look into the shadows down below

Don’t want to look down

What does midnight know?
Can the truth escape the eyes that follow
Don’t forget they’re watching you
Keeping track of what you do
Do you want to know
What is hiding down below
What is hiding in the shadows
Just pray that it won’t haunt you for life

Don’t want to look down

Don’t look down
Hold on tight
Don’t look down into the night

Anto, the Voice of Music

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Anto Thank you to Michela Zanarella, Click News  and ELFA Promotions for a great interview with Anto. Here’s an English translation, from the original Italian:
 “I think that music found me, not the other way around. What I did was just listen to her voice.” From these words we understand the high value you give to music. What does it represent to you?
I think I can associate the feeling I get from music with the feeling of falling madly and hopelessly in love. Suddenly you feel that everything you’re doing makes sense and you know how to complete a puzzle that was unfinished until that moment. You don’t know how to explain the intensity that manages to overwhelm you like a hurricane, you just know that you can’t stop loving her once her “look” has become a reflection of yourself.
 How did you become part of Summerline? Tell us about some particular episode that you experienced with the other band members.
Summerline met via our musical journies. In fact, everyone was already playing in other bands when we met. By chance or fate, I don’t know how to define it but we all knew exactly where we wanted our music to go. I think the best memory I could share was when we shot our first music video in Germany. I remember all the staff members, the way everything was perfectly organized (including the locations and how the director Robert Broellochs ran everything so smoothly, the team of people who looked after us so we always had everything we needed etc.), the bitter cold of southern Germany that cut to the bone and the small stove where at least our hands could find some comfort… I think it was one of the most challenging and intense days of my life, and definitely one of the most significant and memorable days of my life.
How did you transition to a solo career? What were the reasons that motivated you to make this choice?
After the breakup of the band due to problems with our producer and blows from the ruthless music business, it was hard for me to accept. But then I understood that music is who I am and the only way I wanted to follow, regardless of the circumstances.  I’m glad to say that the solo path is giving me the chance to know a lot of people who support me as I never could have imagined, even on the opposite side of the world, and to collaborate with the Canadian writer (and my best friend) Christine Noels, with whom I walk this path. In fact, we have many ideas in common and writing together is very easy despite the distance, and the lyrics are more personal than what I wrote with the band. All this ardor fires more and more my passion for music and gives me strength every day to believe and fight for what I love, and to not give in to “a life of quiet desperation” as Walt Whitman says.
From “Whisper My Name” to “Broken Pieces”, what connects these two recordings?
These two EPs are tied together by the desire to seek “their voices”. That is, Christine and I wanted to write about some of our experiences that hit us deeply and left their mark inside of us, mixing music and words together to create a mixture of love, passion, pain and disappointment within the framework of hope, which serves as the message that joins both EPs together. The desire to keep fighting and believing in spite of the world that we see outside our windows (which we can no longer perceive through the innocent eyes we had when we were young) allows us to believe that some magic really exists.
You’re appreciated by both fans and critics. What’s your relationship with your audience? How does the popularity affect your life?
What makes me truly happy and satisfied is the hope that I can leave an indelible mark in the hearts of my listeners. Phrases like “how is it that I can recognize myself perfectly in your songs?” or “your music touches me deeply,” contain exactly what I’m trying to transmit. Of course I also receive negative criticism but that’s okay. I’d worry if I didn’t receive some. It pushes me to dig deeper personally and achieve more artistically. I don’t think I have to worry about popularity – I worry about being sure I can reach the ears of many more people! So for now my life is pretty normal (although the word “normal” is always relative when I speak about myself!).
What “big” music artist would like to collaborate with?
I’ve always dreamed of working with Billie Joe Armstrong. Green Day is a band that has stayed with me for many years because of their music and because of him in particular. His energy and charisma has always fascinated and inspired me artistically and as a person.
Dreams, ambitions, plans for the future? 
The music industry continues to change day by day, so it’s really hard to predict what will happen in the future. Like almost all artists I have the aspiration to sign a major record deal, but as long as I have the chance to make music for the rest of my life, I know that in any case I will be satisfied.
I would like to thank Michela Zanarella for giving me this interview and for this new opportunity that I was offered to introduce me to all of you who are reading these lines. Thank you!  – Anto

March 20

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This is going to be a particularly self-indulgent blog but at the moment let’s just embrace the idea that all expression is self-indulgent so why even try to draw lines. 🙂 As long as I don’t wander into self-pitying territory, I’ll call it a win.

There have been three ‘events’ that have been taking centre-stage in my life this week.

1) I’ve been sick this week. Some of you know I have fibromyalgia but I’ve also had a chest infection that left me desperate for oxygen for a few days. I’m feeling stronger tonight so hopefully I’ll be back to ‘fighting form’ soon.

2) Anto and I released another cover. He’s singing some more Goo Goo Dolls and as always, I’m very proud of him. Working together is a strange and wonderful combination of passion/love/job/partnership… It is a job (being his personal manager and of course writing together) that few people in my personal life take seriously or respect, but I’m more committed to it than any other work I’ve ever done. This is who I am. The fact that I love it and get to create and build something together with someone who loves me, is one of the greatest blessings in my life.

3) This is a bad week for my family. Twenty years ago tonight my brother was killed in a car accident. I know twenty years sounds like a long time to some of you, but his loss is always with us. Every year is a bit different. The week leading up to this day is full of other milestones like his birthday and my parents’ Anniversary. It’s also packed with other milestones that seem to haunt us – every March something disastrous seems to happen to our family! Except last year. Last year nothing horrible happened and this year, crossing my fingers, we’ve done okay. (My mother would likely disagree since I’ve been so sick. I’m sure she chalks emergency room visits up to the curse of March but..)

So the bottom line in all this is that I’m particularly grateful to the people who are by my side in this moment. My natural reaction is to focus on who isn’t there for me – and admittedly I’ve done that. I get frustrated that I don’t see support from people who I wish would support me. When I’m excited about stuff I’ve written, stuff that I’ve been working hard on and no one in my personal life bothers to check it out, it depresses me. I know this is a common complaint amongst creative types but sometimes it really does get me down.

And now I’m getting to the end of the post and I don’t even remember why I started writing… I think it has to do with the day. I wish I could write something brilliant for my brother, I wish I could touch people with my writing more, I wish I could make Anto’s and my dreams come true faster, I wish I could’ve spent more time with my son this week rather than being cooped up in this bedroom…

Guess I wandered across the line into self-pity… 

So time to dust myself off and get back into fighting mode. Tonight will be a long night but tomorrow I know I’ll feel stronger.

PS – To those people who ARE there for me, I love you and I never take you for granted. You are the reason I believe in everything good. 

Aftermath

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No matter the distance, the miles of

fights and broken screams

There’s always a moment when we figure out

what it all means.

Laying here inside your love

hearing your heart beat free,

the melody inside your soul

brings me back to “I Believe.”

Interview with the German Support page

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The past few days have been a hurricane of emotions and activity. My partner and I released a new EP on January 1st called, “Broken Pieces”. The work that goes into an EP and its release always surprises me. And at the end of that exhaustion is the nervous moment when you release your children out into the cold world for judgement. To use a tired cliche, it’s an emotional rollercoaster. Well a day after the release, our rollercoaster took a nasty turn and we made the hard decision to ‘un-release’ the newest single and video. It’s been a rough few days.

Amid the whirlwind however, the administrator of Anto’s German Support page on Facebook, Franzi Trebert, did an interview with both Anto and I about our writing process. I wanted to post it in the hopes that my fellow writers might find it interesting. Continue reading →

Sleepy City

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Not an echo, not a sound,

Life waits in silence while the rain washes over the wounds of the past

I’m walking on the same wet asphalt,

but the drops don’t touch me –

I am the sleepy city who can never be unpolluted.

 

 -by Anto & Chris

antomusic.com

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antomusic.com

As personal manager and press contact for Anto, I am THRILLED to announce that we have a new website. (Between you and me, it makes my job easier! ::happy sigh::) As partner/best friend etc., I am proud. I helped as far as the business end of setting up the domain, making decisions and planning – and of course the writing, but Anto did the dirty work. Never satisfied with using templates, he designed the site and wrote the code, loaded it onto the platform.. and more stuff that I won’t pretend to understand. It’s easy for me to say “we need separate tabs for photos and videos” but he actually knows how to make it happen.

Have a look around and click on some music – it’s all available as free downloads in the ‘store’.  🙂

Update and “Everything”

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Life has been busier and more difficult than usual lately – if that’s even possible. I try not to complain though because I’ve learned the hard way that life can always get worse. Hardships disguise themselves as trials but I think positivity is the real challenge. Every once in awhile though, pure joy shines and a sense of calm bliss finds its home in the centre of my being. Most often, those moments resemble this one:

 

Whatever else is going on, I have the best friend and partner that even my imagination couldn’t conjur before I met him. There are many things about our relationship that people don’t understand – and I couldn’t care less. We work together, we love each other, we cry and laugh and worry together…and sometimes he just plays me music while I find my bliss again…

I’m working on that positivity…and “if the while I think on thee dear friend, all losses are restored and sorrows end.” (William Shakespeare, Sonnet 30)

 

The Vampire Effect

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Social interaction is a basic need of the human psyche. It helps define our identities and is a critical building block of self-image and self-esteem.  We may hate to admit it, but how we see ourselves is coloured by how we think others see us. The looking-glass self can be blamed on evolution and the survival instinct to be protected by the group, but it still has real implications in today’s society – especially in a society that’s erected on Bluetooth and Skype.

We may ‘connect’ with more people and chat with people all over the world but we’re becoming vampires. We have conversations in under 140 characters and catch up over news feeds and comments. As society evolves devolves, people are losing the ability, maybe even the desire to interact in meaningful ways. Do we really know who are ‘friends’ are online. Do we ask? Do we have dialogues? Do we even respond to their messages or just ‘unsubscribe’ from them?

We’re becoming too insular. The more our worlds expand, the more closed off we are – and when we look into our proverbial mirrors, there’s no reflection staring back at us.

People are becoming invisible. 

We say we want friends, but maybe we just want an audience.

Ask a kid today what he wants to be when he grows up; he says ‘famous’. He wants to be heard and seen. He wants attention because our society is void of it.

I used to consider generosity in terms of material or monetary value. Now I tend to use the word to describe people generous in spirit – giving of their warmth and their heart, giving of their time, their compassion and their positivity. We don’t just look for our own reflections in others, we also give them theirs, and being a reflection is a big responsibility. As human beings we should shoulder that responsibility with grace and kindness.

The more I look at the troubles and strife in this world, the more I think the root cause of it is someone just wanting to be heard, to be noticed. Hidden underneath people’s anger, hostility and apathy, are people who feel invisible.

Respond to others. Step out and embrace them, physically or metaphorically. Give a compliment, be a shoulder to lean on. Smile at the person standing in line that looks tired. Comment back, ‘like’ a picture, give of yourself – and maybe in doing so, you can find your own reflection again, smiling back at you. 

Choices

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We have so few choices in our lives. Sure, we have millions of little decisions every day, but I’m talking about the big ones. We’re brought into this world, into a country and economic bracket that wasn’t of our choosing, into a skin that we didn’t get to choose, into a complex jumble of neurotransmitters and other biological determinates that weren’t of our choosing… We cling to the notion that we are products of our own design – but we forget that the foundation on which we build ourselves, was handed to us without options.

I hate my looks, curse my weaknesses, wish I could’ve won a bit more in the DNA lottery… I am haunted by what I’ve lost and what I couldn’t reach. I get so caught up in wishing I could’ve been born with more, that I forget that I was born with so much.

I wasn’t born in a place where water is scarce, or where bullets fly over my head on a daily basis. The fact that I’m a woman doesn’t condemn me to a life without rights, where I am someone else’s property. My child has food. My child has dreams. My child is able to be a child, not a soldier.

Sometimes it’s hard to look at your own life with perspective but flip on the news and see what life could’ve been like – what it IS like for someone else – through no choices of their own. If you feel safe in this moment, if you feel loved, if you have food and a roof, then maybe you’re luckier than you think.

Just Another Night

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The soft sounds of a breath, a tender chuckle, an ‘I love you’ in the night…

these gentle reverberations, so close and so intimate,

have the power to seige fortresses and win wars…

The depth of how our eyes hold steady and peer deep into each other’s souls…

In a single flash there is a crushing vulnerability that

by the sheer fact of its existance, creates unyielding strength. Everything exposed. Everything confessed. Everything safe in unquestionable trust

It’s just another night spent with you.

Not Today (acoustic)

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An updated acoustic version of a single we released years ago. Lyrics by me, music by Anto.

AntoMusic.com

Wait, not today
Don’t bother with your smiles,
Don’t pretend you’re still my friend
because now I know the truth –
I see the things you do
and hear the lies you spew

For so long I let you in and
Bought the stories that you told,
Stood by and let you steal, let you cut me to the bone
It will never change, you will keep making excuses
But now I just don’t care, watch me walk away

(Chorus)
Fuck you! You will never break me
Come on take your best shot
But you won’t take me down
Hell no! I won’t take it, anymore
I’m stronger now and you
You will never hurt me again

The face that you show is just a role you play
Fake sincerity – you mask the cold and cut with your charm
You make others bleed for what you need

For so long I let you in and
Bought the stories that you told,
Stood by and let you steal, let you cut me to the bone
It will never change, you’ll keep making excuses
But now I just don’t care, watch me walk away

(Chorus)
Fuck you! You will never break me
Come on take your best shot
But you won’t take me down
Hell no! I won’t take it, anymore
Cause I am stronger now
and you will never hurt me again

You’ve done the worst you can do
Your reign is done – so fuck you!

 

 

Grey

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Foggy shadows pass by – disguised as the world,

laughing and unaware that you’re no longer here.

Colour fades beneath the pain –

everything’s stripped away,

                 except the colour of grey.